I happened to find these notes which I had prepared for a presentation given to a professional business group in 2014. Unedited - just as I had written them/bp
YOUR WORDS MATTER
WORDS HAVE Power_______________
The story of Arle McGregor who said, “ ____________________
__________________________________”
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
“Agape”
T.H.I.N.K. BEFORE YOU SPEAK
T ____________________
H ____________________
I ____________________
A “kairos” moment
N ____________________
K ____________________
THE “WHISPER” TEST
1.
2.
3.
Nancy Dickerson – 1960
Gail Jarvis – Late 70’s
Opening
How We Speak To & About Each Other- Reflect-Power-Choose
I grew up in a rapidly expanding post war 1950’s culture in Los Angeles where there were two newspapers. One morning, and one afternoon. There were only five television stations consisting of the three networks and two local affiliates. And, we had just two competing radio stations. Because of the limited media and the broad market influence words had to posses clear and easily understood meaning.
Television & Media Personalities – Ken & Barbie
Political Correctness – Speak Openly – Racist, Phobic, Insensitive
Commercials – Slapped, Kicked, Punched
Television Characters – Foolish, Dumb, Stupid (Animated)
Euphemisms, Academic Gibberish & Cryptic Bureaucratize
“Civil Service Ethics: (Bureaucratic Ethics) “Sometimes one is forced to consider the possibility that affairs are being conducted in a manner which, all things being considered and making all possible allowances is, not to put too fine a point on it, perhaps not entirely straightforward.’ Translation: ‘They’re not telling the truth.’”
Simple Words To Describe Complex Ideas
We Were Taught That Words Mattered & To Chose Them Carefully & Use Them Deliberately – Abstract Metaphors( Kick The Can ) and Quirky Cliches (Ya think! Not!)
Very Strict Media Code of Ethics & Broadcasting Practices – Naïve & Sappy Sentimentalists – Offensive Behavior & Speech
Today, however, words are exploding across thousands of airways, millions of channels and through multiple devises that we carry with us and that are growing in number every day. Words reach us at light speed, at any time and everywhere. Words have become so cheap and easy to produce and distribute that they now gorge our public airways. Billions of words engaged in a relentless, ferocious and endless media cycle competing for our attention and fashioned in a way to attack our sensibilities in every conceivable way, including viscous violence and abhorrent vulgarity.
Anecdote
I am often asked by the management, marketing and public relations professionals that I meet, where do I start. Each are attempting to find some way that they can be heard above the polluted dialogue streaming endlessly across the business and social networks of the modern era.
My answer has always been the same. You must lead the way. Each and everyone of us will be given, or we will seek out, a leadership opportunity. It cannot be avoided. It is inherent element of our collective nature, and it is unique characteristic of virtually all living species on this earth.
So, What is leadership? How do we define that elusive quality we call leadership? I once heard that great leaders are those that say the least. A Google search will result in thousands of definitions. And, that’s only the beginning. Defining leadership has been the frustrating work of scholars, institutions both public and private and people everywhere since the beginning of time.
I suppose everyone interested in the subject of leadership has a preferred definition, and I have mine. It is found in the writings of Niccolo Machiavelli. Machiavelli is a name that emotes powerful responses, even from those who have never read a word of his writings. The expression “Machiavellian” has become a pejorative term associated with the dark and suspicious side of human nature. However, serious students of Machiavelli acknowledge that he was, in fact, a dedicated republican committed to the principles that unify the virtuous elements of monarchy, aristocracy and democracy. Machiavelli is best known as the author of “The Prince”. (Anecdote) And, there is general agreement within the academic community that Machiavelli was a proud public servant whose principle legacy is in political thought. Regarded as the founder of modern political science and discourse, Machiavelli’s republican commentary from 500 years ago continues to resound through the power centers of the world, influencing every aspect of corporate and institutional policy to this day. And, believe it or not, that includes everyone sitting in this room this morning.
Niccolo Machiavelli defined the act of leadership by saying: “There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things”. An exquisite use of simple words to define the extraordinary risks of leadership, and the qualities of those willing to accept them.
Winston Churchill said this about leadership. “It is the willingness and the ability to make your voice heard. If your voice matters, your words will have to matter and be meaningful.” But, Churchill wasn’t talking about leaders on the world stage, he was talking about anyone who wants to make a difference. We are all called to leadership.
Making a difference is what is at stake here.
Promotion
More Responsibility
Promote Trust Through Better Customer Service
Influence The Thinking of Others
Change The Direction of Your Group or Organization
Or, Become A Leader In Your Field, Your Community, or At Your Home
Some expression of leadership is expected.
Now, no matter how you choose to define “leadership”, I have always believed that it begins with the words we choose, and how we choose to use them.
So, where do we begin. If you would like to come along with me for the next few minutes perhaps we can begin to find a way.
Video
Change your words, change the world. Words really do matter don’t they?
I do – It’s a girl – It’s cancer
It doesn’t take a lot of words, does It? Simple words have this incredible life altering power.
The story of Arle McGregor – He concluded by saying “Simple words have extraordinary power. We seemed to have misplaced our sense of gracious conversation. He truly understood the power of words. Not clever words, intelligent words or words of extraordinary wisdom, but simple words with which we are all empowered. He refused to acknowledge the popular closing techniques used then, and popular to this day. But instead, he chose to use simple words in order to make a difference in the lives of his clients in a special way.
“What mattered to them”, he said, “was that they wanted to be heard as human beings, and that their words mattered to me. Once that connection was made” he said, “the sale was closed.” The idea was so foreign to the accepted principles of sales and marketing at the time that I was shocked. It would be more than 20 years before I realized what had happened in that room that day. But, I had just been introduced to the principle of empathic listening which was still years away from becoming the subject of serious study.
Now this does not come as a surprise to any of us, really. We know that words have power. The power of a single word is extraordinary. We hear them all the time. Throughout our lives we keep bumping into these things called blessings. A blessing is simply a cultural expression consisting often of a single word, but rarely more than just a few words, spoken in a manner that can change the life, destiny or direction of someone else. Permit me to mention just a couple.
“Shalom”The Israelites in ancient days, as they do today, would simply say “Shalom” to each other. A single word and very hard to translate, but offers a sense of well being that cannot be expressed in any other way and impossible to define in a few words. They greet each other and part with this word. It is their way of saying may you enjoy the completeness, fullness and the wholeness and all life blessings of life be yours.
“Agape”
The word “Agape”, translated from ancient Greek as astonishment, wonder or eager anticipation, has become one of the most widely appropriated words in Western Civilization. Although the word does not have specific religious connotation, the word has been used by a host of ancient and contemporary sources, including Martin Luther King. Many have applied this word to the divine, the unconditional, self-sacrificing, or simply acts of thoughtful volition. Biblical authors have used forms of the word to denote love of a spouse or family, or affection for a particular activity. Thomas Jay Oord theologian, philosopher, and post-doctoral scholar at Harvard Divinity defined agape as, “An intentional response to promote well-being when responding to that which has generated ill-being.”
Time Magazine once described the biblical verse from John 3:16 which begins with “For God so loved the world . . . “ as one of the most famous and well-known Bible verses because it has often been called the “Gospel in a nutshell” by both religious and secular sources as the central doctrine of Christianity.” And, it is all because of a single verb translated from the original Greek word apapao, or “love” later becoming “agape” which is now one of the most often translated words within Western Civilization.
Apostle Paul
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not agape, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not agape, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not agape, I gain nothing. Agape is patient and kind; agape does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth….
Blessings are simple words with such vast historical and cultural implications. And, they are important because you and I use them every single day. They include any word, or phrase associated with approval, consent, support, or protection. Words like “Good morning”, “Good afternoon” and “Good evening”. The etymology of these expressions date back to the early 16th century having been taken from Christian-Judeo history as profound expressions of good will and the “wish for happiness” given from one person to another. Throughout the centuries, however, these extraordinary humanistic words of praise, intending to offer inspiration and hope have morphed into perfunctory expressions which merely punctuate casual conversation today. These words now come so quickly and glibly that the power of their original meaning and intent has, perhaps, been lost to our cultural experience forever. But these words matter. Our words matter, and they can still be spoken, as we have seen, with phenomenal power. We simply need to find a way to reclaim the confidence to use them in the way for which they were originally intended.
Now, it’s understandable that we would have little confidence in words, today. I feel inundated by words, don’t you? There are words everywhere. I turn on the radio, or the television, and there are words pouring out. We go to the Web and words pour out all over. People are texting words faster than they can be consumed. While the fast-moving social media sphere is still in its infancy, it’s becoming increasingly crowded and, as a result, increasingly confusing. It’s humbling—the Twitter sphere is tweeting headlines by the nanosecond.
It is truly astounding how the new social media is changing consumer attitudes and behavior. It’s amazing to me how it has become so obsessive. This is not new, however. As far back as 2004, long before streaming media, an article appearing in the WSJ (Nov 14, 2006) warned of technologies creeping corruption of the spoken language when it estimated, “that there were more than 30 million PowerPoint presentations given every day around the world and that this is costing U.S. companies over $252 million each day in wasted time. Your time in preparing the presentation. Your audience’s time in looking at wasted and empty words. It’s time to Stop Global Boring – reduce your Power Point emissions now.”, The WSJ also said, Presentation skills, unencumbered by visual pollution and driven by strong command of the spoken word continues to be one of the most commonly requested professional development needs listed on Individual Development Plans at major corporations.”
Dr. Kelley Crowley, who teaches public relations writing and principles of advertising at West Virginia University, said recently that relationships with her students are different due to these networking tools. “Students have become reticent and intimidated in the classroom to speak directly with me. Rather, they feel more comfortable sending me an e-mail from behind a computer screen, which is impersonal and absent of any context at all,” Crowley said. “Students prefer to participate in brief e-mail exchanges when they should be pursuing real relationships. “Avoiding personal interactions harms the competency of young professionals … (It’s difficult for students) to speak to respected professionals during interviews because they lack the necessary nonverbal behaviors, like eye contact,”she said. Concluding, “Face-to-face communication and phone conversations have become foreign to the millions of users who rely on social media and networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and MySpace.” These reports are occurring and reoccurring throughout academia and America’s industrial networks with alarming frequency, and we are just getting started.”
French Philosopher Jack Ellul’s early commentary warned of the potential for the “progressive paradigm” of technology to corrupt the value of the word. He wrote, “The humiliation of the word in society is deplorable . . . these days we speak without saying anything. We just “chit – chat”. Is it any wonder that we can no longer take any word seriously.” Have our words become empty promises filled with vanity and nothing of significance. A recent phone bill received by a friend contained billing for more than 3,000 text messages sent by just one of her children. She described it as shocking.
Words, words, and more words. Newspapers, magazines and billboards. Lectures and training medium everywhere. Speeches!! There are just so many of them today swirling indiscriminately around us, everywhere. Text, tweets and the blogging media now bend, twist and distort words to the incomprehensible will of the collective social media such that we loose sight of their meaning, importance and, particularly, their extraordinary power to heal, and to hurt.
So, where do we start to build skill and confidence in the words we use.
At a recent business conference I was approached by a young couple who was very troubled by a certain predatory narrative their competitors were beginning to use in order to attack their success. “Our business network moves so fast”, they said “that we are being overwhelmed and we are beginning to react to the vicious commentary in ways that we are ashamed of, allowing our emotions to control our response.
“The Starbucks Story” (Open)
The Principles of Think
T __The first letter “T” is for True. Is what you are saying true? We often hear the expression, “Simply tell the truth”. Oscar Wilde the 20th century British said , “The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.” If it is not, will you repeat it. If you aren’t sure then you should you say it? How many lives have been turned upside down because someone repeated something that they thought was true but didn’t know for sure. Words can hurt. Words can tear down. We have to be the careful stewards of the truthful.__________________
H _The second letter is H. “H” is for helpful. Or, is it hurtful. Words can leave a deeper scar than any kind of silent repentance can heal. Is what you are going to say helpful? Will it help whomever you are going to say it to? Will it bring them much needed aid, or does it have the potential for irreparable harm. Even if your words meet the first test of being true . . . Will your words bring healing? From Psalm 139 David laments . . .
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I _“I” is for “inspiration”. Will the words inspire? Will they cause someone to be inspired, or create an inspirational outcome.___________________
A “Kairos” Moment
“Kairos is an ancient Greek word derived from the principal of time.
While the Greek word “chronos” means chronology, and refers to linear, or chronological time, Kairos refers to the recognition of a unique moment of opportunity arising from one, or more, circumstantial events for which there may be no immediate explanation.”
These moments of opportunity occur all the time, and provide us with the extraordinary means to enhance our lives and the lives of others.
“The Escalator Story”
N _ “N” stands for necessary. Is it really necessary to say anything? Internship Story Do you really NEED to say it, or do you simply want to say it? Many times things we say are not necessary, but we choose to say them anyway. Mark Twain said, “The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective” as a rightly timed pause to reflect.
– Twain. _
Internship Story During my last year of college I had the privilege of receiving an internship invitation from one of the largest advertising and public relations firms in Los Angeles. Even though the place was crammed with high energy and enormously talented people, I thought I could make a place for myself following graduation. My mentor was one of the agency’s principle power brokers, so I was definitely on the right horse. However, it was during a quarterly strategic meeting when I suddenly fell off a great ride.
It was no secret the agency was failing to meet the “new client” objectives and the Managing Director, claiming to having heard enough excuses, fired an account executive on the spot trumpeting there would be more if sales didn’t improve. His arrogant and contemptible dialogue ended the meeting as he bellowed “good salesmen are good closers”. Everyone sat with buttoned-up reverence as the man rose to leave when I gushed, “But, professional salesmen are great leaders.” Then, unable to keep my mouth shut, I added, “Perhaps the agency’s leadership skills have not yet risen to the level of its creative ability.” He never turned to acknowledge my comment, and by the end of the day I was no longer associated with the company.________________
“The Starbucks Story” (Close)
K _“K” is for”kindness” Does our speech reflect kindness? Would our co-workers, neighbors, friends and family characterize us as a kind person based on the words that we choose to use? Unlike Truth, Helpful, Inspire and Necessary Kindness does not rely on any verbal translation. I once heard it said, “Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” ___________________
The Whisper Test
Sam Cooley – Could not empathize with the client.
A way to apply the Principles of T.H.I.N.K. Empathic (Empathy) –
- 1. Collect Your Feelings (Cognitive Empathy- The Starbuck’s Flaneur)
- Cognitive – (Perspective) Stepping into the world of another in order to see their uniqueness and individuality by nurturing your curiosity.
- George Orwell (1984 & Animal Farm) conducted the first empathic experiments by walking around the streets of his home. He wrote about this experience in a lesser known work entitled “Down & Out In Paris and London” published in 1933. Orwell, who wanted to experience life on the margins saw this a as way to expand his moral universe in order to promote social change through his writing.
- The French actually have a word for this peripatetic culture. Flaneur. Generally translated it is noun for “an observant stroller”. However, Charles Baudelaire a 19th century poet offered a much more empathic vision for the role of the French Flaneur when he wrote in a very lengthy essay.
- The crowd is his element, as the air is that of birds and water of fishes. His passion and his profession are to become one flesh with the crowd. For the perfect flâneur, for the passionate spectator, it is an immense joy to set up house in the heart of the multitude, amid the ebb and flow of movement, in the midst of the fugitive and the infinite.
- 2. Share – Your Feelings (Affective Empathy) Shared emotional response to share someone else’s experience, or feelings as though they were you own. Dr. Cheryl Ackers, Bio Chemistry @ Duke
- 3. Exchange Your Feelings (Empathic listeners are verbal and willing to be vulnerable).
Close
Friends we all have a choice to make. I live in a world filled with words, and you do, too. What will we listen to, and what will we say today. It becomes so easy to be cynical about the words often wondering what could I say that would make a difference – But a thoughtful word can change a life – By Changing Our Words We Can Change The World. By Making just A Small Difference – Your ability, or inability does not define the call to action – Your past does not define your future. Limited experience does not disqualify anyone from getting in the game – If you Have been inspired by others – Then You can Inspire –
If you are uncertain, find a Mentor. Then become Mentor – Learn . . . . Always – Then Teach – Seek Truth – Then Share Your Experience & Your Talent – Be Honest – Be Just – Be Loyal – Be Wise – Be Gracious – Be Alert – Imagine Your Potential – Then Discover Your Potential – Find Your Passion, Then Follow It – Give What You Can, Then Give A little More – Embrace Your Hopes & Dreams – Encourage others To Pursue Their’s – What others have said about us, and perhaps what we have said about ourselves are not the final words of our life – Be Yourself, discover the extraordinary within you . . . and You Will Make A Difference.